Sunday was yet another new beginning for me. With pencil and paper in front of me I began trying to get a grip. For quite a while I’ve felt completely lost in every area of my life, so I thought maybe a picture really could be worth a thousand words! The plan was supposed to be related to my art business. But as you’ll see, it took a different direction
My dog, Sadie, has had a serious cough for the past year, due to a collapsing trachea, and all we could do was try to make her comfortable. I adopted her in 1997 when she was a little over a year old and she has been such a wonderful companion.
About the same time, I began seeing the doctor for constant pain and fatigue. I thought the pain was due to arthritis and the cause of the fatigue. Add clinical depression, a blood platelet disorder, heart problems, an abdominal aortic aneurysm - and all I could think was - “What the hell?” It was like I went to sleep one nigh only to wake up in someone else’s body. And it was a wreck!
During all this I was trying to continue my art and figure out how to make money with it. I knew this shell I’m living in couldn’t hold down a real job. Then an amazing thing happened – I met the Word Chef. And let me tell you, she’s my hero! I will expand on my admiration for her and her project later, but I’m trying to keep this story fairly cohesive.
The Word Chef, Tea ((pronounced Tay'ah) Silvestre started an online marketing class and I was fortunate enough to be selected for the first one. And I was lost from the very beginning. I couldn’t stay up past 8:30 or 9:00 at night, and needed a 2 or 3 hour nap everyday. I tried to do some of the homework, and worried the whole time that I would be dropped from the class. But I kept plugging away, refusing to give up for fear that if I gave up on the class, I might as well give up, period.
Finally, after a lot of research, my doctor and I decided I have fibromyalgia. That explains the pain, fatigue, depression, absent-mindedness, difficulty focusing, etc. Actually, it was a relief to finally be able to put a name to it.
Then, came the final hurt – Sadie was so sick, I finally decided to put her to sleep. 14 years of absolutely unconditional love on both sides made it a very painful decision, but the best one for her. Although it was a sweet, peaceful process with a beautiful burial spot next to my best friend’s dog, my heart broke. I will never forget that sweet loving face, but on Friday, November 11, 2011, she crossed the Rainbow Bridge.
I think I will continue the new beginning on the next blog. Thanks to everyone who helped me through this painful time in my life. And I know better things are ahead.